I'm really into asian looking animals
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
