Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
