she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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