she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
