When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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