so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
just found out that she named her cat after me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
