I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
