i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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