Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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