so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize