The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
