At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
