Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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