in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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