Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
