y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
