I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
