the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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