she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
