At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
