I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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