The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
