oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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