He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
