I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
my poor anus
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