I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
