so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
