I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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