So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sponge bath it is.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
