His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
