my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
