we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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