This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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