literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need a burrito and a hug.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
