I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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