I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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