Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
