What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
