I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
