My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
how does that bad decision feel?
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