dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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