This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
