We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
