I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
