this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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