you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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