i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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