so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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