i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
