i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize