I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
