i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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