please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
