Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
