You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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