You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
