Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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