One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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