omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
