i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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