He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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