how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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