@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am available for nakedness
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize