I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
