we have officially lost it.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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