if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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