this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
