So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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