I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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