long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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