you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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