Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
