Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
