We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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