I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
