At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
