I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
