if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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