Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
