life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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