how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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