I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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