Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
