He uses pillows to masturbate.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Acid is not a monday night drug
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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