No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
