I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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