i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
